Friday, December 30, 2011

Andy Falkous Does Not Like Country Gravy

Speaking of the one-sided loves of country gravy with Andy Falkous on the steps 
of the Southgate House was a verily real thing.
Talk of gravy, the fiction of J.G. Ballard and Andy Falkous rolling his eyes at 
peoples attempts to impress him by re-throwing lines from his songs back at him.
                         Learn and take notes on the REAL (true) meaning
                         of Christmas (or else)
                                             with me.
                                                 At me...
So that you can... (No, not you Andy Falkous, but someone else)
                     let your country celebrate Christmas (or else) too...
                     As me and mine...
Do your Christmas prayers get acknowledged in your native tongue the same? As 
easily? As mine? Cause I have been raised to
think of this holiday as an American (only) sort of deal and a barrage of highly 
explosive tipped missiles are held in reserve for anyone not acknowledging our 
holiday supremacy first. 
                      Say it with me at the count of three: 
                      Get them before they get you!
This, that is the real and true meaning of Christmas (or else)
                      Speaking of Christmas (or else) Andy Falkous...
Do you watch Canadian Christmas (or else) specials and read Bukowski poems and 
drink Pennsylvanian beer because you are told so, or because you fear the 
barrage? Say! That particular question is for you as well Andy Falkous...You are 
back at the forefront of this creative writing exercise (re-welcome back).
                                 I seen a tree, 
                                 atop a hills ridge in Kentuckee growing in the 
shape of a football field-goal post... 
                     Its growth appeared a natural one. Unmodified.
                     I wanted my dear friends, who I love and admire for their 
persistence and life choices of drinking heavily in the AM hours of the day, and 
on Christmas Eve, from an establishment that opens as the earliest parts of the 
AM as news begins (Please note: Junkers Tavern opens at 7AM for your health 
located at 4156 Langland Ave. Cincinnati, Ohio 45223) and friends that I also 
admire for varying, arguable amounts of greater intelligence than myself and 
most of the general populace, to witness this very tree also. 
                    "So we could take a picture of it or something" Juice by 
Jerry had said...              
                    "No! Hell no! I replied.
                    So we could stand next to the tree and hold one hand upon 
that tree while we chug beers.... Do you understand this sentiment Andy Falkous? 
Do you understand the importance and reverence of sentiments such as this Andy 
Falkous? Do you have, or do you understand usage of time concerning AM vs. PM? 
Or is this a cultural thing that takes missile threats and manuals to understand 
and/or acknowledge? 
                    We want to destroy old traditions only to smother ourselves 
in useless new traditional traditions... It is sickening Andy Falkous. 
SICKENING! VIOLENT! Its Christmas time (or else!), a month long in-your-face 
testament to the power of suggestive love and ownership. So, the multiple vote 
allowances paid off (for them) and Christmas (or else) has been extended for one 
whole bonus month. A BONUS MONTH! Here comes another months worth to just make 
sure you get enough (or else, Andy Falkous). Loyalty MUST be proven, or else a 
hostage crisis somewhere will fall apart and there will be no more pizza and 
there will be no more cigarettes...
                       "We all cant be Cadillacs" 
                       I over heard an isle over in a convenience store while I 
tried to decide between purchasing regular pork rinds and BBQ pork rinds and I 
felt like screaming because I have NEVER thought of myself as a Cadillac, but 
now, overhearing that statement Andy Falkous, I realized how far I am from never 
achieving a goal of being even a tiny bit closer to being considered even 
remotely near to something resembling a Cadillac. In many, many ways, on varying 
levels and degrees of understanding that's sad. Its worth a tear, maybe even a 
scream, but instead I squeezed the bag of regular pork rinds as hard as I could 
(breaking and nearly destroying its contents into a reduction of crumbs) then I 
replaced the bag upon the shelf it was fetched from and settled on choosing the 
BBQ variety along with a 32 ounce grape Gatorade for 
      (or else)
      Do you like pork rinds Andy Falkous? Or do you view pork rinds the same 
way you view country gravy and see it as prisoner type food that's fed to 
incarcerated individuals over top of rancid selections of barely edible cuts of 
meat. We all cant be Cadillacs Andy Falkous, that's true. Its a continuous 
struggle Andy Falkous (but you know that don't you) and sometimes its just nice 
to be wanted and needed.
                     You can open up your mind to new experiences and new ideas, 
but sometimes its just the same old in-yer-face threat of missile barrages, 
quiet walks through the belles-lettres bull gardens and intense discussions of 
country gravy whilst standing on the steps of The Southgate House with a missile 
barrage aimed directly at you to make you realize that your time is borrowed. 
And a 'I told ya so' is waiting just around the corner for you (every corner) 
and all those traditions are just fighting 

come on rick!


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Sinking Ships Are (Still) Beautiful

By late February of this past year I could already see how devices like the NOOK COLOR that Julie had gotten me for Christmas were going to become a new social standard. I began working on conceptual ways that I could produce and distribute my own form of electronic book.

I had also received a PDF file of a collection of Short Stories by a good friend, John Burris that solidified my feelings about how reading methods were beginning a shift toward electronic forms.

I began taking my poems and putting them into documents that I would turn into PDF files... Slowly over the next month and a half I would tweak the idea and finally have a ready document for a small grouping of unreleased poems under the title of POSTURE...

Not wanting to saturate the market with too much of a good thing, I had began to immediately start work on what would become the 5th anniversary of my very first chapbook, SINKING SHIPS ARE BEAUTIFUL... I have been regularly writing and releasing poetry for five years! Soon enough, I had completed what would be the 5th Anniversary of SINNKING SHIPS, complete with a section of new poems and a forward by an advocate if my poems, Fuxter Schittly. Download it HERE

So now I had two e-books in the chute. POSTURE and the new edition of SINKING SHIPS. It was now the summer of 2011 and talk of a spoken word CD of my poems was beginning to take shape...

So I thought either POSTURE or the new SINKING SHIPS could be included as an on-disc bonus feature on the spoken word CD, with the other being a late year release.

Well, that didn’t work out as planned. As recording sessions for the CD were made and plans for the CD began to be worked out, it became apparent that neither of the releases would be released in the intended form of a bonus feature.

Also, by the latter part of 2011 I had written and released my first short story, THE LAST AMERICAN using the methods of electronic dissemination I intended for my future poetry books. THE LAST AMERICAN was doing well also with help from my introduction to facebook... So fastly, the end of the year was closing in and not only had I two full fleshed releases totally ready to roll, but a plethora of unreleased works and projects in the waiting room which included over 60 unreleased poems written in 2011 itself. Yeah, for whatever reason, I counted them.

Since SINKING SHIPS ARE BEAURIFUL was time sensitive more so than POSTURE, 
POSTURE was yet put onto the back-burner for a 2012 release. Now, as 2011 closes to an end, finally you get the 5th Anniversary Edition of SINKING SHIPS ARE BEAUTIFUL that has all the original poems from the 2006 release, as well as liner notes, a forward by Fuxter Schittly and a section of all new, unreleased poems... Like the distribution of THE LAST AMERICAN, The 5th Anniversary Edition of SINKING SHIPS ARE BEAUTIFUL is available for free download. Unlike THE LAST AMERICAN though, no print edition of the new SINKING SHIPS will be available... The release is too large for my print methods. It would not be suitable...

So I hope you enjoy the re-release of SINKING SHIPS ARE BEAUTIFUL. In total, I distributed over 200 copies of the original chapbook... 

Monday, December 26, 2011

The Shawn Abnoxious Big 11 of 2011

Well, here is my year-enderer list that may appear rather unconventional and/or lame but nonetheless, its honest. This is not a comprehensive list by any means, but its 11 big things from 2011

Nook.Last year for Christmas Julie got me a NOOK COLOR and it has changed the playing field. Not only is my NOOK used for reading e-books, but I use it to connect more frequently with the Internet to keep track of my favorite blogs, my e-mail and facebook. I use a notebook type app to also use my nook to pen poems and rough draft versions of articles for ...THWART! and the NOOK is even instrumental in my creation and development of my creative writing and my first short story (read on). You know, my spelling is by no means as incredibly bad as it may appear, I just have quite a time with my sausage fingers and the nook keyboard... In many ways, my nook has been the number one thing that has shaped this past year for me and put it all into perspective. As potentially sad as that is on many levels.

Dirty Sheets (favicon)DIRTY SHEETS
I suppose it all started with me becoming a regular reader of DIRTY SHEETS. Checking that blog out sort of jump-started my renewed re-interest in music. Headed by longtime associates Gunther 8544 and Josh Rutledge, DIRTY SHEETS reminded me how much I like not only listening to music, but reading about music and more importantly writing about music! I refound my enthusiasm for music in the comments section of Dirty Sheets by posting regularly and replying to associated post by Gunther and Josh. Before long all our commenting led to Gunny declaring us the DSSS (Dirty Sheets Secret Society)...DIRTY SHEETS made me re-think all my past endeavors into writing and my future with writing. DIRTY SHEETS put it all into perspective that led me to possibly reviving THE NEUS SUBJEX or asking to be a part of DIRTY SHEETS... Just as Josh and Gunther would flex out and begat new, additional blogs with Josh's FASTER AND LOUDER and Gunthers THE RUNG, I would decide to leave THE NEUS SUBJEX where it was and form a new blog attempting to create something that melds my views and enthusiasms for my different interest all into a one-stop blog called ...THWART!  So by way of THE RUNG and FASTER AND LOUDER, DIRTY SHEETS is the single most influential thing of the past year. DIRTY SHEETS put it all back in perspective for me. I’m grateful to Gunny, Josh and their written endeavors and most importantly, their inspiration.

Check out Dirty Sheets HERE
Check out The Rung HERE
Check out Faster And Louder HERE


8544GUNTHER 8544
This past year has been sprinkled with regular communication with the infamous Gunther... I have known Gunther for years now from the early days of THE NEUS SUBJEX...He has been highly inspirational in the re-discovery of what Shawn Abnoxious is, of what I am. I place great value on our phone convos, which always leave me raiding the cupboards for a snack. Gunny has a way about himself that has made 2011 worth it on a social level.

Everyone has their pet names for Facebook and I use the same one that my wife uses, Facey Pages. Facebook reintroduced me to my friends and what they are doing... Brighty has said that I am 'e-loud' with my twitter, facebook and youtube sites and I suppose he is right. But I figure if someone has a real problem with it, then they don’t have to 'e-listen'

THWART icon #1...THWART!
Roughly 6 months old now, I’m still trying to make ...THWART! into something that represents all my major mediatric, artistic and philosophical interest in one place... I’m beginning to think that years from now I may still be trying to do this same thing...

Check out ...THWART! HERE  
((deepness alert on that link...))

So, Josh is in the process of writing a novel and has been sending me excerpts of the novel every so often that I have developed a whole routine that not only involves reading them, but also includes a hole-punch, three ring binder and quarts of Labatt Blue. I have declared myself a consultant to this novel, a declaration that Josh plays along with... Josh’s excerpts and writing style have been highly inspirational to me in the development of my own creative writing.

Inspired by a PDF version of a collection of short stories by JOHN BURRIS and JOSH RUTLEDGE, my fray into actual shorter fiction has proved to be something I’m definitely going to explore more of in the next year. To date more than 50 copies of the story have been electronically downloaded (with distribution help from Facebook being verily influential) and now, a print-edition is available for the good measures of all the people who cant (or wont) download it for free. Comrade at arms, Raul Kennedy; Last American Ambassador, has cited the story as inspiration for his patrol of the wild, wild west and carries a copy with him on his journeys. He has also been asking the big question to various passers by "Who is the Last American?"

Download a free copy of THE LAST AMERICAN HERE

This year has seen a reassertion of the endeavor of THE NEUS SUBJEXS attempt at on-line radio. Now, with thanks to facey pages, FI is becoming more of a stand-alone force. In all my artistic endeavors, Fi is one that I feel is truly an original effort, and way of doing something different a different way. I really owe it all to the co-host, Brighty, a long time friend and comrade who has really pushed me and Fi to be what it is now... Just wait until what it becomes with a regular show schedule and an ever-growing audience. Feel free to remember, it is all Brighty's fault.

Listen to an episode HERE

B.A.G. (Blog Alliance Guild)
BAG…and the DSSS turned into the BLOG ALLIANCE GUILD (BAG). With Greg Mongrolls involvement into the confines of the DSSS... Just after everything was up concerning my new involvement in Facebook, Josh, Gunny and I all started posting in a facebook group... All it took was a little bit of opening up, letting in Greg and others and soon enough, BAG has become a sort of facebook within facebook for many of its members. BAG also remains a place where blog editors STILL support each other’s endeavors. Because of the nature behind such groups and efforts, BAG remains free from disinterested assholes who just want to bitch and hide behind a screen name...

"Words Get The Last Word" RelliquaryBRAD RYAN'S 'SOFT' HEADBUTT
In March, at a regular open mic event called CREATIVA I had gotten into a verbal disagreement with one of its patrons concerning stage etiquette and artistic fortitude. One thing led to another and because of my words, a fellow named Brad Ryan assaulted me and according to his words, dealt a SOFT head butt to my face that he felt he deserved to wield and declare something I actually deserved. I did not retaliate with violence; I did my best to set an example to my peers of all ages at Creativa and used words to prove my point. Thanks to Brad I have a bloody napkin framed as a reliquary to remind me that words ALWAYS get the last word and remains the deadliest weapon mankind has ever created.

VEGETABLE  "C.F." b/w "SOL” 7" ep
There have been a few instances where I hear bands and say "Now THAT is punk-rock!" When I first heard Vegetable by way of Brighty during a taping of Functional Inconvenience, I was BLOWN AWAY by what the two songs on this single sided 7" had to offer. Vegetable shown me that there are still new bands out there doing the same old shit that matters (to me) and are doing it in a way that excites me!!! Sometimes, my enthusiasm embarrasses even me.

Check out the label that released the 7" HERE


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011


The Bastard DC
The Bastard DC (in full glory)
Stop Reading, Start Eating
What is to be said about starting? Is a start also the same as a beginning? You really don’t need to answer that. I don’t expect an answer and wouldn’t really think any more of you if you take it upon yourself to waste time answering that. Use your time more wisely. If you felt the need to supply an answer back there, and maybe still have that urge... STOP! Get up, right this moment and supply yourself with a double cheeseburger, any variety will do... This would be an emergency situation (preferences be dammed) GO NOW...

In fact, if you have gotten this far in the article, I suggest you STOP reading, get up and do the same. Proceed to the nearest outlet where you may ingest a double cheeseburger. Come back to this article, or don’t... It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you have partaken in a double cheeseburger. That is what Operation: Bastard DC is all about eating double cheeseburgers. So if you get up, right now and go get a double cheeseburger and never return to these words or even this blog, that is ok. Mission:Acomplished! Operation Bastard DC is about double cheeseburgers. EATING double cheeseburgers!

Go, now!

The Exodus of Raul Kennedy

You still here?

Beard Deep
(This is Beard Deep)
I would admire you more if you did as I asked and were beard deep into a double cheeseburger... Oh yeah, they're not called that anymore. From now on Double Cheeseburgers are now called 'DCs' or 'DC'. This whole operation had its birth, its start; it’s beginning with Raul Kennedy aka Paul Kennedy (but nowadays I just call him 'Raul'). His amplification of fascination concerning DCs was strong. Passionately strong, even stronger than my own... Raul's passion concerning DCs has got to be one of the strongest passions I have ever witnessed someone being passionate about something. I know, this sounds crazy. I should also let you in on an inside bit of knowledge, passion and crazy are verily similar to me. I’m not into really drawing lines concerning my friends and passing judgments on them and what they got going on because after all, they are my friends. I have chosen them, but really, they have made a more conscious decision to be mine... That’s saying something to me because I’m such a shallow person that I’m not sure I would be my own friend if I encountered me... After all, I'm writing about DCs, and ultimately, just this past month began using the term as a shortened form of a bigger word when referencing the sandwich because it was popping up in regular context of messages, texts, poems or whatever.

I know, on many levels this is crazy. er, I mean passionate! You should stop reading and go buy two DCs... Eat them and think about future drone wars...

So just as that frantic period between Thanksgiving and Christmas approached Raul Kennedy unveiled his seemingly mission of heading to Colorado to brave the mountains and their winter to seemingly prove something to someone. It seemed like suicide to me. Suicide because it sounded like camping to me. Me? I wholeheartedly despise camping on many different levels and degrees .Who knows, as I write about this mission even now, locked beard deep in the same frantic period as the type that ushered in this op, Raul has just departed. He seems focused on writing, insist he is keeping a journal, and still claims to be heading by train to Colorado and its winter and its mountains. Raul claims he will keep in touch, and I believe him, but I’m an old man. I tend to worry about things, and I worry for Raul. I worry for Colorado. I worry for DCs being placed on the extinction list...

I tell Raul. "Go out to the Wild West, kick it in the balls. Adventure and return to write about it"

He may do that, but not just that. Raul will do more. The man is ripe with potential and one of the best writers I have ever read. The thing about beginnings, and the future (for the most part) is that you just never know what’s going to happen. Look out Colorado. You thought you were safe again when Dr. Thompson did himself in. You were wrong. Danger is returning.

This time, he is eating DCs. One in each hand.

 Re: The 1'S (This Means War)

You should now accept a poem, a past posting from ...THWART! as a reference for this section. THE 1'S was wrote in part due to e-mail messages shared between Raul and I concerning the madness of Black Friday. Operation Bastard DC has its beginnings with this poem. That’s why it’s important. Read it HERE

Instructions for the Next 33 Days

The next stop for this story is another poem. The poem is written in two parts with Raul's actual message comprising the first part of the poem. My reply to him was written in verse. This poem was written, my reply, when I was seriously mulling over possibilities that Raul was, in fact, self-destructive. I’m now convinced he was not, and is not, but this poem represents many e-mails that I wrote trying to convince him how much of a more awesome writer he is than a majority of writers I have read. I rushed the hard copy edition of THE LAST AMERICAN into production that featured a transcribed facebook conversation between Raul and I about Chili. I was hoping to instill a worth, and provide a sense of duty in a person that I was becoming increasingly worried about.

Here is that poem:

Instructions for the Next 33  Days
Part 1 (A Message from Raul)
Im writing this from a parking lot 
using free internet on my disconnected phone. 
Just wanted to say the new thwart 
captures the true American holiday spirit. 
I've been keeping a journal 
so I will have something new very soon. 

Part 2 (A Reply in Verse)
Dear Raul,
You are a true AWM.
(American Winning Motherfucker)
(it is glory)
Don't let them ruin you...
Don't let them catch you
to then ruin you!
Stay restless...
Stay questioning...
Break all mirrors you encounter.
Do not trust anyone
without a beard and/or a scar.
Eat in two's...
Drink in three's...
Wear T-shirts always under your 'top-shirt'
Sleep on the floor.
Its ok to cry if you
get a leg cramp.
Tell your mother
you love her after each
phone conversation you have.
Never flush a public toilet.
Only carry single dollar bills...
Transfer all large denomination
bills into single dollar bills (georgies).
Pour the first beer of a twelve
out upon the ground for 'the fighters'.
Remember to wave at all cell phone towers
((they are  friends))
Don't forget to laugh. Always.

Concerning ‘Passion’ (Do The Math)

BK Sign
Burger King Drive Thru Sign
It took a bit until I was convinced that Raul's passion wasn’t to the suicidal level but I also realize that I may just be a dumb fool too... The banter between Raul and I on facebook had grown to an everyday thing, as his westward exodus still was all-go America!!! DCs!!! Soon enough the DC movement was in full swing... In a 24 hour time period DC had erupted in discussions on the facebook group site known as BAG (Blog Alliance Guild). There was talk of Burger King offering 2 for 1 Whoppers and Raul said something about getting that deal and smashing them together to make his own DC... It sounded like a good idea. I pledged myself to the concept of getting a DC sometime that day...The date was December 11th. DeCember 1-1... December=DC... 11=DOUBLE ones!!! Lemme tell ya, things like this just don’t happen! It was designed by forces... The same forces that brought about Raul creating a site for his AWM concept... AMERICAN WINNING MOTHERFUCKER... I was subsequently made an administrator and I knew what for... The events on the 11th seemed like a push, a creative push. A hurried burst of creative powers all at once. Like a C-bomb (creativity bomb) went off...

Fuxter Schittley offers this equation concerning math and The Bastard DC:


Birth of the Bastard

It was well into the evening when the idea for Operation: Bastard DC was imagined. After a family meal at Noodles. After under-T shopping at Wal-Mart... After grocery shopping and all the you-guess portage of bought goods into the house too. Operation: Bastard DC was just before walking the trash cans out though. Some things would have to wait.

1212011845_0001.jpgEarlier in the day Raul stated how he was gonna smash two Whoppers together, because of the running BOGO deal (that appeared to be widespread since BAG members in different parts of the country were celebrating the deal too). So Raul got me thinking, as my evening was winding down and the sunset to the west calling out for Raul to join it... Raul smashing two sandwiches together into one...Hmmm.

So, the time it took me to exit the house and get to the car, the operation and its parameters began to take shape. I would drive to retrieve the beautiful Buy One, Get One offer from Burger King... And smash them together to make a double cheeseburger! A Bastard DC!!! A created burger. Yeah, you could buy a double Whopper... You can buy a traditional DC (which is glorious) but with everyone on BAG talking up the DC, and the emergence of Raul's AWM page and all of Raul's talk of smashing whoppers together to make a DC... Hell, in honor of Raul himself... I too would smash two non-DC sandwiches into one sandwich. Hence, The Bastard DC was born...

Riding the Ikara Colt

I know Raul was a fan of the band IKARA COLT (he always had excellent taste in music) so I got some blasting on the car stereo before sending a message via twitter pronouncing the beginning of the operation
12/12/11@6:00 pm to twitter (then facebook) via text message "Heading out solo... To fetch two Whoppers to make a 'bastard' DC... A 'Raul' blasting Ikara Colt"

So, the Bastard DC was born...Under current circumstances, I had even decided to name the new procedure, the new sandwich, The Bastard DC after Raul himself! The Bastard DC is a Raul is a Bastard DC!!!

So I blast Ikara Colt. As loud as it could go. What a band! Selections from their amazing Chat and Business wail as I wind thru the streets of Fairfield to a Burger King location I was familiar with... A location I chose as a spot where fellow NIGHT-FORCE member, Dave aka 'Wickey' and I shot the footage for the video EXPERIMENTS IN FAST FOOD DELIVERY back in the heyday of the $1DC

BK Drive Thru.jpgThis particular BK, located in Downtown Fairfield, just across the street from a 24-7 Fitness location that never seems to be open (?!) and was widely known for not being a choice in the BK chain that appear to have their act together. Ever. Since relocating to Fairfield, in the early 90's this BK has had issues, but such as all American I’m brainwashed and continue to compromise my standards for the same terrible service.

And service was bad... The same problems from the EXPERIMENTS video were still being exercised except this time Wickey wasn’t with me... It was just me and Ikara Colt (blasting) and a few lonely laughs from myself... Their drive thru speaker/woofer is so bad. Muffled. Been like that for years now...

But I still managed to get the BOGO offer, and a large order of those new fresh-cut fries...  Sitting at the drive thru window my phone chimed with a message... Raul, from his vantage of monitoring, had seen my own message announcing my intention with the whoppers and chimed back

12/12/11@6:12 pm via text message from twitter
"Sink Venice with a thunderdrunk of ranch 'it flowed like water from the mountains, the whole world drizzled in ranch'"

"Sink Venice" was a song by Ikara Colt... A highlight of their Chat and Business release. Chat and Business was Ikara Colts first release, their 'debut' release as it is called in the industry. They had a follow up fully after Chat, but it had less to offer than the amazingness of before. None-the-less, Raul (as myself (recognized the greatness of Chat and Business and always will.

The wait was so long at the window that they forgot if I had paid or not and gave me my food before asking if I had, in fact, paid. I should have lied...Should have just gave it a good ol' ""Huh? What?" and thunder gunned the gas but I did not. Like a nice little lamb I forked over the check card and paid...

We Even Become Nomads.jpg
We Even Become Nomads
Ikara Colt, still blasting as I returned home with two whoppers and a large order of fries, sang of disenchantment and anger as I thought about Raul and the sandwich I was about to make in his honor. At the red light at the foot of the hill I live on I got behind another lamb driving a jeep with a large window sticker for the Cincinnati radio station WEBN. I caught speed up the hill and rolled my window down too bleat at the Jeeps driver with Ikara Colt blasting...."baaaah"

It was worth the look.

"Look around, look look look around.
2000 damp bricks won't save you now."

from SINK VENICE by Ikara Colt

Assembling The Bastard DC

DC with a Lazy Smurf.jpgOlive lied (good for her) she attacked the fries when I pulled them forth from the bag. I tried the fries, the all-new fancy fries that Burger King were so proud of, and they sucked. They were cold. Not the normal kind of cold that you would expect from a short drive home, but the sort of cold that resembled already de-tempered fries were given from the start. They were so bad that Olive only ate a couple of them before giving them back. When a three-year-old kid won’t eat your fries, you got a problem.

In fact, the drink I chose with my meal... Room temperature Big-K (Kroger’s Store brand) soda, a drink I call a LAZY SMURF (lazy because its right out of the can, smurf because the soda is blue), was a bit warmer than the fries... The burgers were cool also!

None-the-less, I unwrapped the whoppers, took the patty and cheese portion of whopper #2, and placed it directly on top of whopper #1s sesame seed bun. THE BASTARD DC was born! I took the rogue bottom bun from whopper #2 and ate the grease soaked bun as was... As far as greasy bread goes, the rogue bun was typically average as I suppose greasy buns go.

After a quick photo, 50 seconds in the microwave brought the Bastard DC; The Raul, back up to standards. In all the difficulties in service the 'Raul' was decent. The practice of creating 'Raul' is something I will do again. Deffy.

Then, after the glorious RAUL (BASTARD DC), I took out the garbage.


Opinion of A Lamb

The following day, after a full days work in the jowls of the factory, after supper of spaghetti and meat sauce (my favorite vegetable), I check my e-mail and sure enough, at 11:32 pm, December 11th 2011... Raul left me in charge of the AWM page and he was heading out for the Wild West that just got a bit wilder.

He promised to stay in touch... But I am full of worry and now know how those kids in MAD MAX: BEYOND THUNDERDOME felt about Captain Walker.

I fetched the receipt from Burger King, stripped with green warning indication ink that they need to that told me that they need to change their receipt paper soon... That convinced me that my opinion about their establishment matters so I called them up, went through all voice prompts and left a personal message. It was a simple message steeped in symbolism...


A  Return to Verse

Keep an eye to the west.
From where he went,
He shall return...
With a DC in each hand.
He shall return...
with a sore foot
from kicking The Wild West
in the balls repeatedly.
There was no doubt
with such an example of
as Raul...
After all...
He is a Kennedy...
After much thought,
I have considered the end,
and it appears to be another
A start.

Take care Raul. Be easy on the west. Upon completion of your travels and return, the first DC is on me. Hell, even a second if they didn’t break you...


Time stamped 12/13/11 at 5:27pm Raul has written by way of e-mail via a seedy hotels computer that he has arrived in Colorado and hears tales of a sort of refuge in Aspen that is called a 'Homeless Retreat' little does anyone know, Raul is home when he is free. My worry grows less with each message I will get from Raul like this... Later in the evening (approx 8:45 pm) I even had the pleasure of a phone convo...He promises snail mail to me soon... Communication on a semi-frequent basis. But I am an old man, its my job to worry, so worry (if just for a bit) I will.

Goodbye (till' We Meat Again)

You still here? Go start something...

The Bastard DC