Speaking of the one-sided loves of country gravy with Andy Falkous on the steps
of the Southgate House was a verily real thing.
Talk of gravy, the fiction of J.G. Ballard and Andy Falkous rolling his eyes at
peoples attempts to impress him by re-throwing lines from his songs back at him.
Learn and take notes on the REAL (true) meaning
of Christmas (or else)
So that you can... (No, not you Andy Falkous, but someone else)
let your country celebrate Christmas (or else) too...
As me and mine...
Do your Christmas prayers get acknowledged in your native tongue the same? As
easily? As mine? Cause I have been raised to
think of this holiday as an American (only) sort of deal and a barrage of highly
explosive tipped missiles are held in reserve for anyone not acknowledging our
holiday supremacy first.
Say it with me at the count of three:
Get them before they get you!
This, that is the real and true meaning of Christmas (or else)
Speaking of Christmas (or else) Andy Falkous...
Do you watch Canadian Christmas (or else) specials and read Bukowski poems and
drink Pennsylvanian beer because you are told so, or because you fear the
barrage? Say! That particular question is for you as well Andy Falkous...You are
back at the forefront of this creative writing exercise (re-welcome back).
I seen a tree,
atop a hills ridge in Kentuckee growing in the
shape of a football field-goal post...
Its growth appeared a natural one. Unmodified.
I wanted my dear friends, who I love and admire for their
persistence and life choices of drinking heavily in the AM hours of the day, and
on Christmas Eve, from an establishment that opens as the earliest parts of the
AM as news begins (Please note: Junkers Tavern opens at 7AM for your health
located at 4156 Langland Ave. Cincinnati, Ohio 45223) and friends that I also
admire for varying, arguable amounts of greater intelligence than myself and
most of the general populace, to witness this very tree also.
"So we could take a picture of it or something" Juice by
Jerry had said...
"No! Hell no! I replied.
So we could stand next to the tree and hold one hand upon
that tree while we chug beers.... Do you understand this sentiment Andy Falkous?
Do you understand the importance and reverence of sentiments such as this Andy
Falkous? Do you have, or do you understand usage of time concerning AM vs. PM?
Or is this a cultural thing that takes missile threats and manuals to understand
We want to destroy old traditions only to smother ourselves
in useless new traditional traditions... It is sickening Andy Falkous.
SICKENING! VIOLENT! Its Christmas time (or else!), a month long in-your-face
testament to the power of suggestive love and ownership. So, the multiple vote
allowances paid off (for them) and Christmas (or else) has been extended for one
whole bonus month. A BONUS MONTH! Here comes another months worth to just make
sure you get enough (or else, Andy Falkous). Loyalty MUST be proven, or else a
hostage crisis somewhere will fall apart and there will be no more pizza and
there will be no more cigarettes...
"We all cant be Cadillacs"
I over heard an isle over in a convenience store while I
tried to decide between purchasing regular pork rinds and BBQ pork rinds and I
felt like screaming because I have NEVER thought of myself as a Cadillac, but
now, overhearing that statement Andy Falkous, I realized how far I am from never
achieving a goal of being even a tiny bit closer to being considered even
remotely near to something resembling a Cadillac. In many, many ways, on varying
levels and degrees of understanding that's sad. Its worth a tear, maybe even a
scream, but instead I squeezed the bag of regular pork rinds as hard as I could
(breaking and nearly destroying its contents into a reduction of crumbs) then I
replaced the bag upon the shelf it was fetched from and settled on choosing the
BBQ variety along with a 32 ounce grape Gatorade for
Do you like pork rinds Andy Falkous? Or do you view pork rinds the same
way you view country gravy and see it as prisoner type food that's fed to
incarcerated individuals over top of rancid selections of barely edible cuts of
meat. We all cant be Cadillacs Andy Falkous, that's true. Its a continuous
struggle Andy Falkous (but you know that don't you) and sometimes its just nice
to be wanted and needed.
You can open up your mind to new experiences and new ideas,
but sometimes its just the same old in-yer-face threat of missile barrages,
quiet walks through the belles-lettres bull gardens and intense discussions of
country gravy whilst standing on the steps of The Southgate House with a missile
barrage aimed directly at you to make you realize that your time is borrowed.
And a 'I told ya so' is waiting just around the corner for you (every corner)
and all those traditions are just fighting
come on rick!