Saturday, October 25, 2014

Rotten Apples - Real Tuff [Durable Plastic] CD

Durable Plastic starts off sounding like a double-ought version of The Jim Carroll band, but by the fourth titan-like song, "Heart Candy", it all hits me! The Rotten Apples are what The Donnas want to be, but since they got locked into a ‘thing’, they will never be what The Rotten Apples are on this disc. Imagine Joan Jett, if she would spend a day or so fondling The Knack and then sit down to write some songs. It would be good shit. The Rotten Apples are the same good shit. This is what Josie and The Pussycats SHOULD have sounded like. The Rotten Apples are garage enough for all you greasy-haired smokin’ mothers, and new wave enough for all you sockless shoe wearing bright-solid-color-shirt pieces of shit.

Yeah, its an all female band singing a little bit much about relationships, that as a producer, I would have alleviated about 90% of; all references to those boys and failed relationships would be replaced with talk of dinosaurs and suicide! In fact, I might be onto something. You see, I should create a set of dice, my SHAWN ABNOXIOUS SONG MODIFIERS that have subjects where numbers usually appear on dice, that all bands who sing about all the usual boring things like relationships, World Trade Centers, and cars, could roll and determine what their old boring song lyrics will be changed to.

Example (not actual Rotten Apple lyrics either):

"I miss what we had"

Grab the SUICIDE suffix dice and give it a roll.

The line then becomes:
"I miss huffing gas"

Roll the EXTINCT CREATURE modifier:
"I miss the triceratops"

Yeah, that could definitely work!!!! Really though, The Rotten Apples don’t need any of my help. These gals know where it’s at all right. It’s everything I want in The Loudmouths, but the Loudmouths were too fast. They lacked something... it’s new wave. The Rotten Apples have honored the reach of new wave without throwing a synth out there every song. It’s possible for guitars to be played LIKE synths. I would like to say I’m even coming close myself. The Rotten Apples HAVE IT THOUGH!!!!! Modern New Wave Guitar: See The Rotten Apples!

Let this CD be the inspiration for a new corps. This is quite honestly the best thing Empty has put out since the Motards. They should drop half the bands that they release and focus on bands like this.