Saturday, October 11, 2014

New Wet Kojak - No. 4 EP

No. 4 Ep (Ep) (5 Tracks)
This ain’t some bad shit at all. I first got addicted when I heard "Do the Math", the second song on this EP.

The New Wet Kojak are pretty pink-fuck.... Excuse me, ‘pink-fuck’ is a new expression; a new way, to express how strange something is. I use a term like ‘pink-fuck’ as a way to take something one level past strange.

Wire are pink-fuck. Wire are beyond strange. Wire DON’T FIT.

The Fall are pink-fuck. The Fall are beyond strange. The Fall DON’T FIT.

New Wet Kojak are pink-fuck. New Wet Kojak are beyond strange. 

New Wet Kojak DON’T FIT.

Think of New Wet Kojak as the new Psychedelic Furs. When I first heard "Do The Math" I rushed out to get this EP. Whereas, No. 4 isn’t the full on rager and fast and shit, it does have a certain rhythm to it that just connects with the 2002 Shawn Abnoxious. I can honestly say that I could see a band like this playing in parties in places that’s maybe several levels past my "hipness." If the fates were different and I was a BIG CITY art guy, and didn’t become a post humus pompous piece of shit, and was the person I am now in this alterna-reality, and I walked into the kind of party that a band like New Wet Kojak would be on the turntable or CD changer or whatever the kids are calling their musical components these days, I would be bored and begin fucking with people like saying shit like - "Man, you’re fucking pathetic, right!?" and finding what I could brake and say was an accident. I like different kinds of debauchery, but like anyone else, I enjoy being around rug users.

I see a band like New Wet Kojak playing in those chilling post art gathering New York orgy parties where everyone is sticking things up orifices and snorting cocaine off people’s asses. New Wet Kojak are the debaucherous soundtrack to the underground.

I heard Winonna Ryder got caught shoplifting from Sax 5th Avenue, or some shit like that. I also heard she’s addicted to prescription medicine. Now why a person like her would 1) Become an addict, or 2) Stoop to shoplifting is beyond me. I mean, fuck! I suppose she is probably pretty well off and she’s so bored now drug addiction and shoplifting is done for kicks.

SOME people have to shoplift to survive. Stealing food to feed their families.

The tale of excess. The tale of indulgence. New Wet Kojak are almost out of my league, but attainable by stretching. New Wet Kojak are fashion sheik New Wet Kojak are heroin sheik.
But then again, I do enjoy a fashion show every now and then…

But then again, I do enjoy E! Entertainment Television…

But then again, I did and do pick up tabloid newspapers because I like to hear about things like J.Lo’s Gay Sex Tape Scandals. I enjoy scum just as much as the rest of you. It has its place…

The CD has just ended it he course of me writing this review. Time to listen to "Do The Math" again while I run this fucker through a spellchecker.