Somewhere A Pabst Blue Ribbon is Crying… (Treatise)

I originally came to think of it as my 'crash' but reclassified it, per suggestion by The Juice by Jerry, as my 'Reset' of June 30th, 2012. Either way though I still feel like a traitor.

Somewhere a PABST BLUE RIBBON is crying.

Long story short, the summer of 2012 was the absolute suckiest summer ever but it was also the best mainly, for both reasons. I didn’t die.

If not for this reset, I have theorized that I would have died on July 2nd, the second of two scheduled 12 hour 100°+ workdays. But alas, I didn’t die (I think)... Three different doctors told me "Your lucky to be alive." (And finally, it sunk in). I was so hyper-tensive and diabetic that I should have had a heart attack, stroke or slipped into a diabetic coma. I was riddled with a staph infection and in fear of losing a good portion or entire left foot. Things were looking bleak there for a while. Nothing puts anything in perspective like being told you have sepsis...

I have had to do a complete 180 with my eating and living habits since then. I entered the fall of 2012 on this side of the ground and doing better in the grips of a full-blown renaissance. Trust me on this....

I was officially a diagnosed Type 1 diabetic meaning constant blood monitoring before meals, in the mornings and bedtime translating into 4-6 maintenance insulin shots a day, vertigo, Autonomic Dysfunction (sounds MUCH cooler than it is), oodles of oral medication for blood pressure maintenance, migraines (had apparently battled these most of my life), peripheral neuropathy and calcified bones in my feet. "You have the feet of a 70 year old". All of this was bad news true, but things could have been worse...

I changed my lifestyle. Began watching carbs and in fact, seen improvement enough in reduction of some medicines... but there’s still a long way to go. I will be on some medicines in some form or other for the rest of my life. Over consumption of deliciously sweet sugary sodas a day didn’t help me in anyway, but I got really bad genetics... Fucked from day zero...

Still though, something 'clicked' during this reset. No more pop... A diet soda maybe once a week... Different cravings began to arise. Fish (I never was a fish eater)... I started wanting to eat vegetables, at least trying them... Not liking all of them, but at least liking some of them. Vegetable Soup has been a glorious discovery. One of the things I knew I had to change which was maybe the trickiest, was my drinking habits...

No more 12 packs or six packs of High Life or PABST BLUE RIBBON ... No more Friday night 'Pint-8's' of Port Republic... or more like no more three or four pint-8's to get to the 'sweet spot' of drunkenness. It had to be light beer from here on out for me but not just any light beer. I had to do my research because some light beers were still loaded with carbs, carbs my eternal enemy from here on out. Beer drinking for the diabetic is twisted and tricky. I had to do my research...

Inadvertently I tried Guinness and LOVED it. Which was an excellent by-product of my reset. I finally came around to the better things of beer drinking even though it was also a time I had to monitor my consumption of it, oh the irony...

Still, I needed a good 'swill' beer. Guinness was a good 'Heavy-hitter' but one or two Guinness' with their 9.9 carbs had to be the limit... I not only had to watch my carbs, but the alcohol content too. Alcohol affects blood sugar readings to a varying degree... My days of extreme falling down drunkenness had to be gone (but I will always have those memories). A healthy buzz had to be the closest Id ever get to where I use to shoot for...

So, I did my research using the Internet and discovered BUD LIGHT PLATINUM a beer featuring lower carbs (4.4 per 12oz) and 6.0% ABV) the best buzz-bang for the carb-buck.

The beer itself wasn’t bad... Consuming Three Bud Light Platinum’s end up equaling less than one carb choice (15 carbs). Theoretically, if I properly planned my evening (something I wasn’t so accustomed to before pre reset) I could have a meal so as I wasn’t drinking on an empty stomach and have three beers to get a decent buzz and not really expunge my self-allowance of carb choice allowances. With a bit of better preparation I could even allow a pint of Guinness as a lead-in or topper.

Still, it took a couple "runs" to determine how I metabolized the alcohol and how it affected my blood sugars... Each individual has to 'figure it out' through planning and constant monitoring... Luckily planning and organization comes well to me...

But still, its BUD LIGHT... Yeah, 'race car' beer. The enemy... Wow, how all my ramblings and rants have returned in earnest concerning fancy-dancy import beers and even light beer... I didn’t feel as cool sporting a BUD LIGHT PLATINUM around like I did my blessed PABST BLUE RIBBON s or Port Republics nor did I feel it was nearly as cool... Apparently, the 'concept' of what beer I was holding in my hand and drinking and what it ethically stood for was really important to me.

Yeah, was important.

I couldn’t continue to drink post-reset the way I did pre-reset. I had to change if I wanted to continue to drink in any form as I did... So I did the research. I learned the ins and outs of diabetic drinking. I changed.

I’m still having a hard time finding anything cool with the personality or concept of what it means to tote around a blue bottle of light beer. The taste of the beer is noticeably different than PABST BLUE RIBBON or Port Republic... I try to find a common ground and claim BUD LIGHT PLATINUM taste like STROHS, a good cheap swill beer of the past that got it done in dank hole alleys and trailer parks across the entire hemisphere and yeah, that’s what it reminds me of. But essentially, I’m attempting to find a shtick compromise to justify a purchase I’m ashamed to make. I can drink three 'Platties' (my attempt to moniker the beer and accept it) and still mind-sail a smooth buzz... Take care of the rough edges around every corner. After all at least I’m still sailing right?


I know it sounds funny, but I feel as though I’m a traitor to my beliefs and myself. Essentially, I am... I admit it. PABST BLUE RIBBON will never forgive me. Those tears turn to anger and I’m watching my back for a vengeful ambush.

So I once Back In The Day™ said I would never trust anyone drinking light beer, or 'race car' beer and that’s still the case. I wish I could say I was joking then, but I really wasn’t. Beer drinking was something that I took as a socially serious stance with. I felt like I was special, different and rebellious drinking beer that mainstreamers everywhere refused in some form or other... Its amazing considering the person I have become vs. the person I was. I can even say that you shouldn’t trust me or anything I say. I’m an instrument of the enemy. I wouldn’t trust me if I was a two-fisting PABST BLUE RIBBON 19 year old SOB. I’m just wondering what other compromises and feet I will place into my mouth as the years pass... Trust me. This is just the beginning.

Somewhere a PABST BLUE RIBBON is plotting its revenge upon me...