How'd you sleep last night? Good I hope and even though it may sound terribly self-centered and/or selfish on my behalf, I didn't sleep one fucking minute! I 'closed shop' about midnight, or should I say I TRIED to shut it down? Tried is probably a better way of saying it. You can try but unless The Idea Machine™ feels like letting you go into shut-down mode, it's NOT going to happen. So I laid there and tossed and turned. I guess you can say Ipretended to sleep if you must call it something-- then call it that. I thought about getting up and go turn on the movie Apocalypse Now! reminiscent of the Summer of 2012, the last summer of the old world...My old world... We, as a human species, expected the world to end in December 21st. Who knows? Maybe it did... My personal apocalypse just came early. Anyway, so I just laid there in the bed like a great pretender. I thought about jerking-off, but I didn't. I just laid there. Starring at the faint shadows illuminated by sparse, weak lights from small electronic devices plugged-in. I thought about hooking up my circa 2002 iPod and listen to that new Wild Wings release... I didn't. I was afraid of stepping on something with my neuropic feet and re-wounding myself and the seven months I have endured all the wound scraping, casting, limping and no showering... I could go on but I won't. I just laid there.
At 5am I arose. Clothed myself and awoke and applied Speedstick in ample proportions to hide my stench. I awoke Julie to let her know I couldn't sleep so I was going to go have breakfast at Pearls Diner aka "Paradise". At the last minute Julie reminded me to try and choose something healthy. "At Pearls?" I thought. Paradise wasn't deemed a 'greasy spoon' restaurant because it was known for its healthy food choices! I mean, yeah, they have a salad bar but really? Whose eating THAT, there? Those faint shadows from earlier given me the vision of Pearls Breakfast Special--Two eggs, homefries and a half-order of biscuits and gravy with a side of Goetta laid overtop the whole deal! Fuck yeah! A Goetta-topper! So I assured Julie I would try. I thought about making that a lie and fulfilling my vision that I maybe mistook as prophecy, but I didn't. I settled for French-fries with shredded cheese on top smothered in ketchup with a glass of water and cup of coffee. That's about as healthy as Pearls gets. Those fries were crispy and delicious. Their coffee remained true to their previously established standard. In case you are interested, Perkins has the best 'restaurant coffee' if you were wondering. That's my opinion though...
As I leave Pearls, the sun is rising. I could blame my lack of sleep, but I chose The Butthole Surfers classic Hairway to Steven (on CD) and cranked the volume as loud as it would go. I travelled and made my way to The Ronald Reagan Highway, which WAS called Cross-County Highway until some piece of shit decided they were going to name a highway that covers about 2/3rds of the Ohio county that Cincinnati is located inside of (Hamilton), after an Aircraft Carrier that's named after a near God-like jellybean loving Actor/President Ronald Fucking Reagan himself! I have a strange fascination with Ronnie that I'm not going into too much, but me and my relationship, I would say, mirrors The Sex Pistols fascination with The Queen of England, Margaret Thatcher*.
I traverse the entire length of the highway from its start to finish and I feel... Accomplished-- that's the best word I can describe it. I can't say the same about most personal acts. Heading eastbound, with the hammer down and the volume up the sun does it's thing and slowly, seemingly by marvel alone, it rises over the horizon and Butthole Surfers play on verily loudly. I have had Hairway in cassette*** for a long time. Back when I had a cassette holder of mostly Dead Milkmen tapes, Prince tapes and after telling a bruddy in Shreveport La.*** another Ohio transplant named Shawn Maglecic, about how I liked The Dead Milkmen, Shawn then suggested The Butthole Surfers as the next logical step for my musical evolution.
So I went to the mall and I got the tape!
In hindsight, after this morning and the sun rise with Hairway playing, I know now that I was not ready for The Butthole Surfers THEN, but that's hindsight for you! It's not that I didn't like the music, I just turned 16 around the time I bought the tape. I was wedged in-between unending lay of The Dead Milkmen and other other Ohio transplants who loved their thrash-metal and wouldn't stop this Brazillian **** version of The Ramones from playing, except they didn't play good music. They played fast music. This band turned out to be Sepultura and they were awful THEN and still are NOW. So I 'liked' Hairway more and more as the years went by but it wasn't until this morning, after a sleepless night, that I *think* that I finally "get it" although finding the words to describe THAT feeling may take another 25 years too.
The Big Bastard itself CVN-76
fOOTNOTES
*Just kidding. I mean Ol' Beth Windsor!
**Aka "Freedom-Tape" or just "Tape" (to you newer fans) sounds more 'un-French' and ultimately, friendlier.
*** I dislike just about everything about Louisianna including New Orleans or Norleenz or whatever the fucking spray-tans are calling that hell-hole.
**** or 'Brazillion' to you older fans